Anorexia And Bulimia: The Battle That Led Me To Christ

This article will not just be an explanation of what Anorexia and Bulimia are, but rather I will be writing about how my battle against both led me to Christ.

Medicinenet.com, defines Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa as following: Anorexia: An eating disorder characterized by a markedly reduced appetite or total aversion to food. Bulimia: An eating disorder characterized by episodes of excessive and secret feeding, followed by inappropriate methods to control weight, such as self-induced vomiting (purging), laxative and diuretic abuse, or excessive exercise. Bulimia's insatiable appetite is often interrupted by periods of anorexia. I mention both because even though they are two separate eating disorders, both became one battle.

Well, now that I gave a brief explanation what these eating disorders are (oh we can also call them mental illnesses or addictions); I want to share with you this very personal story.

My childhood was not a very bright one. I grew up in a broken home because of the separation of my parents. My abusive father walked out on us when I was four, after that my mom too struggle with a mental illness, and even though she did everything she could to get us threw life it was very hard and lonely.

Since I can remember (around 4 years old) I hated the way I looked. I hated being me, I wished to be anyone else. I was always on the thicker side and my bodied matured really fast. My family would make comments, that I know now that they didn’t mean to hurt me but they did. Like: “your fat”, “you eat to much”, “stop eating”. I felt so lonely, ugly, worthless, not worthy of love, not worthy of life. A lot of the time I used food to try to fill that void but it never did, it just made me feel worst.

School was not any better. I was bullied for most of my school time. I remember one day, I was walking to class while these two boys were laughing at me and one boy saying, “Look at how fat she is! Eww! Look at her fat legs! There disgusting!”. This happened to me almost every day.

I remember hearing about the Love of God growing up as a child, and I really believed it. At the time I thought Christianity was more about a list of “do’s and don’ts” you had to follow and I wasn’t ready to commit myself to that. Also, most of my siblings were not Christian, neither were my friends. I was to afraid of getting laughed at; I had enough of that already. I remember a lot of times going to church and praying to God, “I love you Jesus, but I don’t want to leave the things I love to follow you.” It didn’t seem like Jesus was the solution for me. (Or so I thought) 

When I graduated from Jr. High I had lost weight, not excessively but enough for people to notice. The high-school boys were starting to notice me and it was something so new to me. I felt pretty and more accepted. So I set myself a goal: to loose more weight. I wanted to look like the famous girls on tv. I thought, “If I looked like those girls I will finally be pretty, popular and wanted.”

The summer of 2008 was of victory for me. The old Stephanie was gone. I had lost so much weight my classmates didn’t even recognized me. I had the body I always wanted but that wasn’t enough. The way I looked didn’t change the fact that I still felt lonely and wanted people to notice me and love me. I thought, “I have to loose more weight, I’m still too fat, that’s why people don’t notice me.”

I stopped eating, exercising excessively, and I became addicted to laxatives. I got to the point of eating only ice because I felt like the coldness would numb my stomach and I wouldn’t feel hunger. To “treat” myself I would have a salad a week. Every time I ate I would cut myself in the areas of my body I hated the most and while I was cutting myself, I would tell my self over and over, “you’re a fat cow! No ones loves you,! I hate you for being a fat cow!.”

I got so lost in my addiction. I stopped going to school and I stopped talking to friends and family. I started to rebel more against my mom who was so worried for me. I became an expert in lying and sabotaging. I did everything I had to do to feed my addiction. I didn’t care what I had to do or who I had to hurt to do it.

In the beginning of November 2008, I was officially diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa. In the year 2009, I was hospitalized several times. Doctors tried helping me by giving therapy and medication - none of it worked. My mom will invite me to church, with the hope that if I would go, God would heal me. I didn’t wanted to go though, I never really left the house. I was to afraid that people were going to laugh at me or scold me. After many invitations I finally decided to go.

At first, going to church was just a way of getting my mom of my back and also a way to get out for a bit. I would purposely fall asleep a soon as the Sunday school started or the preaching. After sometime I started to really love going to church. As each Sunday came I was more exited to go. Then one Sunday came and something amazing happened.

On April 13, 2009, the day before my 16th birthday, my life changed for ever. It was the first day of passion week and the Pastor started preaching about the Triumphant Entry. I don’t remember exactly what he was saying, all I remember Is understanding and truly believing in Christ and His love. I believed that Christ, The Son Of God, died for me on the cross because He loved me and I for me to be forgiven from my sin. I felt so cared for, that for the first time I didn’t felt ugly, but rather like a valuable jewel in the eyes of my Lord.

After the sermon finished, I couldn’t wait to go to the altar. I felt something calling me to repentance and surrender. There was this sister, that in other prior services would ask me if I wanted to accept Jesus, but I would ignore her and pretend I didn’t hear her ; but this time was different. God Himself, threw His Holy Spirit, worked in my hart and called me to faith, repentance and surrender. That beautiful morning I gave my life to Jesus and committed my life to Him.

My words were something like this:

“Jesus, forgive me , forgive me for waiting so long to come to you. All I ever wanted was In you all this time. Iv’e lost all the things I once saw as valuable. Im here now, please save me. I want to give you my life today. I don’t want to enter another year of life without you. Use me, use my whole life.”

That was truly the best day of my life! That day, “I found him whom my soul loves, I held on to him and will not let him go” Songs of Solomon 3:4 NASB

The battle against my eating disorders didn’t end there but this time it was different. Before I saw this battle as something I will never have victory over but now I saw this battle as one that I have already won.

At the end of one of my hardest battles against bulimia and anorexia I ended up weighing 72 pounds. I was so small I had to buy little girl clothes. My body literally looked like a skeleton with skin hanging on it. (not and exaggeration) It wasn’t easy and I went threw a lot of discouragement and set backs but the Lord helped me threw it. Now I stand here completely victorious!. Completely free from these eating disorders!

This experience was the worst thing I’ve had to face but I’m so thankful for it. In the midst of this great storm, I found the most valuable treasure: Jesus Christ.

This testimony would be so incomplete if I were to just tell you, “Christ is my savior because he saved me from anorexia and bulimia.” NO! Jesus is my savior because He saved me from my sins and forgave my iniquities! My problem wasn’t my eating disorders. My problem was my sin. My sin led me to my eating disorders.

Dear reader, if you don’t know Christ as your personal Savior, please don’t wait no more. Believe me, there’s nothing nor no one that can fill that void in your hart. I always thought that if someone came in to my life,(like a boyfriend or a spouse) someone that truly cared for me would come, that all my problems were goin to be solved. I had a lot of people who cared for me but it wasn’t until Jesus came into my life that I was completely satisfied. The Lord loves you so much, more than you can ever imagine! God gave His only Son for you! Maybe you think your “to sinful to come to God”, or maybe you think like I once did, that being a Christian is just following a list of “do’s and don’ts”; but no, those are all lies of satan trying to keep from coming to your Savior.

Jesus is your savior. Jesus is the satisfaction, love and peace you so desperately long for.

“Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; he who comes to Me will not hunger, and he who believes in Me will never thirst.”

‭‭JOHN‬ ‭6:35‬ ‭NASB‬‬‬‬‬‬

“that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation. For the Scripture says, “W HOEVER BELIEVES IN H IM WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED.” For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, abounding in riches for all who call on Him; for “W HOEVER WILL CALL ON THE NAME OF THE LORD WILL BE SAVED.””

‭‭ROMANS‬ ‭10:9-13‬ ‭NASB‬‬‬‬‬‬

*****I want to acknowledge my mom. After God she was the biggest support for me. She didn’t give up on me regardless of all the things I put her threw. She showed me unconditional love all the way and prayed for with out ceasing. THANK YOU MOM.

***** if you know of someone who struggles with an eating disorder, please share this testimony with them. If the person struggling is you, please message me at divinelylovedbygod.com, facebook or instagram.

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